i could be a doctor.

…because apparently you don’t really need a degree to tell people you don’t know what’s wrong with them.

last year (or the year before that, i don’t really remember) i had a feminine issue that the gyn had NO FREAKIN’ IDEA what it was, what caused it, or necessarily how to make it go away.  this, after waiting naked in a tiny room for 45 minutes.  i wonder if i really just saw the janitor or another patient, since it wasn’t my regular doctor.

ugh.  so, last year i was really sick and i went to the gp, and they were said OH MY GOD YOU HAVE PNEUMONIA IT IS A WONDER YOU ARE STILL ALIVE.  sort of.  or not at all.  they said it could be bronchitis OR pneumonia, an x-ray will determine this.  then, they never called me with the results and never actually specifically said, YES THIS IS BRONCHITIS.  so i just assume that’s what i had.  oh, and then they prescribed antibiotics which almost killed me.

now this year, i had the flu (it was either the flu or maybe mono) and then laryngitis, then a painful sore throat for two weeks.  after shoving things in my throat, the gp said that it was most definitely strep and i got non-lethal antibiotics, and then a few days later the culture came back negative.  the gp says, well just keep taking your meds and it could be x, y, z or really anything and if it doesn’t go away after you’re done with the meds and you still feel sick we’ll have to order further tests.

and now, i am done with my penicillin and i was fine for two days and today i woke up with a sore throat and a lumpy feeling in my right lymph nodes.  i’m pretty sure i have leukemia and i should probably self-operate and remove parts of my neck.  probably all of it just to be safe.  because honestly, if i go back to the doctor, i’ll just have to wait naked in a tiny room for a long time before they come in and ask me why i took my clothes off in the first place and could i please cover it all up dear god, and oh we don’t know what’s wrong with you.  probably anthrax poisoning.


~ by hollaphonic on 02/24/2010.

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