going to the “eye doctor”

i don’t think he even was a real doctor. i never saw a diploma on ANY of the walls.

i haven’t had an eye exam in quite a while & it was becoming hard to see with my glasses on. lest i kill anyone again, i thought it time to get them spiffed up and look at frames.

mistake #1 – i went to an “eye doctor” located in the back of a lens crafters. no really, the last time i had an exam, that’s where i went and it was actually a pleasant, non-threatening experience. and i wasn’t even on medication then.

set up– didn’t have an appt, but they took me anyway (theory #1, maybe they punished me for being a walk-in?) and everything seemed to go smoothly until i saw the actual “doctor”. he checked what i could see & then asked me whether i wanted drops or this other test in place of that, which i had done last time and was approximately the same cost (even though i have insurance…that part was also confusing) so i agreed to the alternative.

eye-raping – so IMMEDIATELY (like, seriosously, no hesitation or time for me to understand what was happening) he gave me a tissue and doused my beautiful eyes with some horrible drops. AND I DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING????? (mistake #2) i thought maybe he misunderstood or something….and now it was already too late. then i was supposed to follow a tech out to the desk to take care of my co-pay and wait for the drops to work.

i never had them before. i didn’t know they are supposed to make you blurry and they burn. i thought i was inconveniently, randomly, magically and ironically going blind at an optometrist. then i thought maybe i was having some kind of mental breakdown or perhaps the bottles for “acid” and “eye solution” got mixed. it was like i had been eye-raped and contracted an instant eye STD (re the burning). in any event, it was distressing but i of course kept very cool as always. they call me back again to check on my eyes and the “doctor” comes in and announces “apologies!” and i didn’t know what he meant and was pretty sure at this point i was making him up and i was really wandering around in a parking lot outside talking to light poles and stuff. then he “explained” that my pupils are normally/abnormally rather large anyway and it got stuck in his mind that drops were needed. he tried to give me drops that reversed the blurriness, but this time i asked if they instead made them REALLY blurry. irreversibly blurry. and if my eyes would explode. (okay, not those last two things.) then he gave me some trendy paper sunglasses and told me to get the fuck out. i got lost in sears (this was in a mall) trying to find an exit to my parking lot, tried to call for an adult on my cell, phone battery died, and i went and sat in my car for a while. driving home in rush hour traffic was also interesting.

the moral of the story is do not go to an eye doctor located in the back of lens crafters. they will fuck you up.

~ by hollaphonic on 03/20/2010.