maybe i just shouldn’t have a cell phone.

welcome to another chapter of the problems of my life.  if you are reading this, what is wrong with you?  i know what is wrong with ME (as i have spent like 2 hours today youtubing & flickring sharlto copley & watching tv court shows) but you…?  i got no idea.  masochism?  you should probably see someone for that.  and not a dominatrix.

today’s episode: trying to make my cell phone work.
things you should know: i bought my phone last february (2009) bc i wanted a qwerty keyboard (i mean, like, i wanted it so bad, like an ex-con wants a woman) so i got it for $50 if  i extended my contract another 2 years and there was a “rebate” so i could “possibly” get it for free.  soooo, what happened was that i filled out my little form and mailed it to the bastards and i waited for a while.  then i got a form letter saying that i “didn’t qualify” for the “rebate” for some secret reason that they refused to tell me in the letter or over the phone.  because, oh yes, i called.  and they were like, “look lady, you really thought you were going to get money back? hahahahahaa, hold on a sec, say that again, ima gonna put you on speakerphone.”


apparently it was all okay for me to get a new phone, pay $50, and extend my contract — that part of the deal was fine, but the “rebate” part (because it was presented as a complete thing: phone, extension, payment, AND AND AND rebate, hos), the part where they fulfill their end of shit, didn’t go through.  argh.  lesson learned, readers.  lesson learned.

so, back to today’s episode: in the last month my phone stopped holding a charge; it would say FULLY CHARGED and then fucking lie to me by dying and refusing to turn on again.  so i went to buy a new battery and said, “fuck that shit, ima gon’ go on ebay” for some reason and see if they have batteries.  and they do.  which moves us onto our next portion of events, i need ANOTHER battery, er rather, a FUNCTIONING battery NOT from ebay.  (i didn’t really expect much, i just thought if i could get a battery & a charger for like $7  instead of $45 for a battery then if it worked great then i don’t have to spend $45, but if it didn’t, fine.  and at least now i have a $7 car charger).

so after i dropped off a prescription at the pharmacy (this has got to be another story, about why pharmacies HATE me) and ran to tmobile down the street (there was no actual running) to buy a battery bc online i would have to pay for shipping etc.  i waited for like ten minutes for them to say “sorry lady, you thought we’d actually carry samsung batteries?  you be stupida than you look.”  oh, and that maybe radioshack would have them.  even though they were down a bit in the plaza, i drove over there (hey, it’s a big plaza) and it was FULL of old ladies and ONE teenage girl behind the counter.  and all these old ladies had problems.  most of these problems could be solved by explaining that they were in radioshack.  i had enough time to look at all the phones, scan the accessories, and go through all the batteries to see that they only carry blackberry and motorola ones, while the same customer was still being helped.



now i have to order a battery online.  and if for some reason it’s not the battery but the phone, I DON’T KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO DO I CANNOT HANDLE THIS.

i was looking at phones online at verizon and tmobile bc i was considering going to verizon anyway bc my reception is sketchy, especially if i leave the city, but they’re all “smart” phones which i guess mean you have to be a fucking genius and make lots of money to a) figure out how to use it and b) afford one and its data plan.  if you are not a genius, you cannot have one.

the internet claims that i can’t even buy one of these phones and just not use all the mobileweb features.  like, yes i AM aware i couldn’t use like 70% of the phone’s functions but i NEED a cell phone and you DON’T sell any other ones, so why can’t i buy/use this one  just for talk & text?  is that really hard?  IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE, PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!

i do not need to be so mobile that i’ll be reachable at every moment of the day by every means available, including but not limited to carrier pigeon, phone, email, im, facebook, twitter, driving to my house to see me in person.  i do not need to check my email every five minutes to see that no one has emailed me since last week, thank you.  because that’s all technology really does for me, reminds me that i have no friends.  so wait, why the fuck do i have a cell phone anyway?  that one time in the ditch all these really nice people stopped to help and offered to call 911, so if that’s the only reason i have one….  blerg.

i could only justify all this trouble if it was an iphone and i could have games, music, and that app where you can download and read books.  make that an itouch.  because frankly, no one’s going to be calling anyway.  in the meantime, i’m using my old cell phone which i don’t remember how to use and my giant fingers are mashing the keys and dialing wrong and it doesn’t have my to-do list or pictures in it.  MY LIFE IS SO HARD.


~ by hollaphonic on 06/08/2010.

5 Responses to “maybe i just shouldn’t have a cell phone.”

  1. ahhhhh i checked the search terms people used to find my blog and one of them was sharlto!


    dear sharlto copley, i love you. please don’t make me kidnap you.

  2. my life is not worth living if you don’t have a cell phone. i find it highly inconvenient for me. possibly i shouldn’t tell you that in case that’s one more reason for you to ditch cell phones…

    • it was inconvenient for me when you didn’t have one. i had to lurk outside your house in the middle of the night and peer through your window at you when you were eating cereal. i still do that now just for fun.

      you will never know when i am watching you.

      • sadly, now half the time i watch for you. and i hear a noise and my first instinct is to call and ask you if you’re outside my house.

      • god i’m so fucking creepy.

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