my resume. someone please give me a job.

objective: get money

skills: typing, microsoft word, basic html, breathing, waking up before noon, eating oatmeal while driving, use of fax machine & multi-line phone system, being drunk after 2 beers, intolerance to guacamole, knowledge of the existence of the internet, managing orders and setting up vendor accounts, developing my own central nervous system, table tennis, body can heal itself after injury, air hockey, photocopying and collating, growing hair, interpersonal communications (flirting), and crying.

experience: using computers, life, cable television, therapy, customer service, being a doormat, etc.

education: currently working on useless psychology/anthropology degree, school of hard knocks, school of soft knocks.

references: former president jimmy carter.  chaka khan.


~ by hollaphonic on 10/15/2010.

One Response to “my resume. someone please give me a job.”

  1. You crack me up. Honestly, the one time I was in charge of sifting through resumes and deciding who to interview, this kind of thing totally would have gone into the “definitely interview!” stack, which was quite small, especially compared to the pretty big “I suppose we should interview these” and the humongous “BOOOORING” piles. I would have said, “*That’s* someone I would want to work with all day.”

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