read this, then come back here and read below.

i can wait.











god, you’re a slow reader.


ok, done?  this is going to sound like the “really?” segment of snl, but it’s got to be said, and it’s got to be said by me.  maybe.  REALLY PEOPLE?  ever hear of an ALARM CLOCK?  it plugs into a wall.  powered by ELECTRICITY.  ringing any bells?  (i don’t know why i capitalized electricity either.)  and it’s not even the clock on their phone they were using, but an alarm APP.  am i the only person in the world who uses an alarm clock except for people too poor to afford clocks, electricity, water, and homes!?!

this is the hierarchy of the world starting from the bottom: evangelical christians, third world, me, hipsters with fucking android smartfuck phones.  (apparently, i need to explain this bc to some people it wasn’t clear: i’m saying apparently alarm clocks are like so WWII and ergo i am old-fashioned [though i prefer old school] and like third world countries for some reason; and the smartypants phones are all “the future” and people think they’re so ladeda with them, but if you took away their phone they couldn’t operate a microwave [what?] and basically i’m like stephen fry in v for vendetta but not homosexual or male.  does that clarify things?)

apple has just enslaved the entire continent of europe.  they’re the classiest continent/people earth had, and if they can fall so easily to this app-madness, the rest of us are doomed.


p.s. tmobile should really be at the bottom of the hierarchy.  ima hardworkin’ american, yo, and i can’t afford your nickeling and diming and shit.  despite the fact that i paid all my bills last month, i got new bills this month!!!!  how do i get in touch with the dubious underground organ-dealing market?  does anybody buy blood?  is that appropriate for a craigslist ad?  ebay would probably take it down.  not sure if i want to meet the kind of people buying blood on craigslist….i just know they’d bathe in or drink it.


~ by hollaphonic on 11/01/2010.

2 Responses to “HIPSTA, PLEASE.”

  1. I know I’m harping on the topic, but I bet if there was an app that had RDJ saying the time & gently urging you to wake up while the phone vibrated *just*so* both you and I would suddenly not find iPhones so stupid.

    • damn it! my one weakness.

      that would actually be pretty excellent. it should also have a video component bc he makes the most adorable expressions (as you know). is it hard to make an app? we should work on this. until then…maybe we can go low-tech & tape a picture of him to our clocks.

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