Ambien-fueled rage

A couple of weeks ago on a Sunday night,  I couldn’t sleep and it was getting later and later.

Somewhere around 3-3:30 am I took an ambien.  I may as well have dropped acid.

Apparently, according to my beloved life-mate (I enjoy coming up with weird euphemisms for my various lovers/clients)* around 5 am I went fucking mango-bananas, like a ferocious lizard eating a monkey.^  Having no memory of this (and thinking maybe I should set up some recording equipment to tape me while I sleep sort of like “Paranormal Activity” but sadly just called “Normal Activity”) these alleged antics cannot be corroborated but I’m certain that they are no less the truth.  So at about 5 am, I started shaking my man and rambling about going to the zoo and getting balloons, then I threw myself on top of him and flopped around like a sturgeon on the deck of a ship and “sort of bowing like Wayne and Garth” a la ‘we’re not worthy.’

THEN, either during or after thrashing about I clutched his shirt and started screaming that there was a hole in it and I was going to stick my hands into the hole and mend it with my hands (?) and then started JABBING  him.  Upon learning that there was actually no hole in his shirt, I rolled away, went sideways on the bed, and kicked him in the side, thus ending the episode and drifting off to a peaceful slumber.  When I engaged in this last maneuver, zee canine took this opportunity to move from the foot of the bed to my pillow, stretched out sideways like me, and pushed him completely out of bed.

Next time I may have to tie myself to something so I don’t venture out of the house and/or drive a car which can possibly happen but maybe only like in 0.000001% of test subjects.  I’m sort of afraid I may suffocate or strangle my hapless victim, too.  That would be awkward.

img borrowed from http://blogs.dixcdn.com/shine_a_light/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/InsaneCrazyWoman.jpg

I imagine I looked something like this.

*Kidding.  Not a whore.
^I did not try to cannibalize my mate.  This time.

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~ by hollaphonic on 02/05/2011.

One Response to “Ambien-fueled rage”

  1. Wow. And you thought *I* would be foaming at the mouth in photos!

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