i aspire to stick my head in the oven.

i was just looking at facebook….so you know how they have all those extra things on the info page like religious views and shit you like?  i was looking at my “people who inspire you” section (wherein i have included valerie harper’s amazing portrayal of rhoda morgenstern as i aspire to be sassy and speak with a brooklyn accent) and i was thinking along the lines of, “i’m bored.  i’m going to add some shit to facebook, the ultimate time waster from hell [as you all know].  hmm…who inspires me?  who do i like?  who do i want to be like?  I KNOW!  sylvia plath.”  just as i was about to add sylvia plath to people who inspire me, i paused (and subsequently came here to muse about it, because as i said, it’s 5:30 am and i’m bored) and was wondering what <hold on, i have to pee, brb.  okay i’m back> kind of statement that makes (see: title of this entry).  is that what i want to say to people?  is that how i want to represent myself?

answer: yes.  probably.  and it’s not like potential employers are going to see that because I DON’T HAVE POTENTIAL EMPLOYERS.  assholes.  er, i mean, um.  whatever.  they know they’re assholes.

on the one hand, it’s like, oooh i want to be an awesome and profoundly poignant writer, and on the other it’s like, OMG i’m going to crawl in a crawl space and die.  i’m just not sure what i’m trying to say with that “facebook statement.”  does that make sense?  whatever, it does to me.

i’m now wondering if i can do some awesome, not-pretentious-or-hipstery art thing where i photograph barbie dolls trapped in bell jars.  or maybe, because barbies are a little too big for bell jars, i could take one apart and it could be doll pieces in a jar, and it would be all feministy and brilliant.  NOBODY STEAL THIS IDEA.  i am copyrighting it and trademarking it as i write.  (really, from the materials i can get my hands on, this is going to be like a barbie head in a jam jar and will lose significant emotion in the ghetto translation.)

i have a very important question and i need people to answer me: what do you do with the empty toilet paper rolls from the bathroom?  assuming you don’t throw them in the trash, i mean.  i am speaking only to the people who recycle their tubes like i do: is there some sort of container you collect them in and bring them out to the box once a week or every time you have an empty roll do you bring it out?  right now i’ve got a subway bag (they’re the perfect size) on the handle of the door where i collect them and then the day before the trash comes i throw them in the box.  i need to know if there’s a better way.  i wish i had one of those laundry chutes that they used to make in early 1900’s houses with the little door in the hallway and it went down to the basement.  then i could put a net in the first floor door and throw each tube down into the net.  although, if we had one of those, i would feel like i had to board up the second floor one at night or else monsters from the basement would try to come up and eat me in my sleep.

wow, this entry really got away from me.  (p.s. there’s a really awesome thunderstorm going on right now.  i less than three it.)

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~ by hollaphonic on 10/19/2011.

One Response to “i aspire to stick my head in the oven.”

  1. We have 2 covered trash cans (the kind with the pedal you step on to lift the lid). One has a liner for actual trash and the other we put the recycling in. So I walk each one to the kitchen then it goes outside whenever the whole can is ready. Also, if you set one aside and then tape the next one to it? Binoculars.

    Have fun!

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