womanly toileting

i tweeted about this a while ago and then totally forgot about it:

it’s interesting to me that this epiphany occurred to me in the bathroom and not squatting in the woods or accidentally in a protected bird habitat.  it’s just that you’d think what i have to tell you would make more sense popping into someone’s head as they struggle not to piss on their pant leg.  but, in a way, there is much to concern oneself with while searching in a darkened field on an island for a place to go after finding the public bathrooms locked & then realizing you don’t have any tissues (see previous entry) & then, yes, trying not to pee on your leg AGAIN (like the bird habitat incident).  so there’s not room for the history of women and bladder elimination.  not the elimination, as in removal, of one’s bladder…i mean like the emptying.  and afterwards you’re kind of just preoccupied with having gone in the woods in a pricklish bush and feeling weird about not having toilet paper.  so really, i can’t be blamed for not having this thought before.  did i mention the bird habitat is part of a cemetery?

so…what the fuck is my glorious revelation?   well, i think maybe i built it up but here it is: what’s the deal with women wearing dresses since the beginning of time and men wearing pants?  i couldn’t think of a decent answer (while i was peeing and possibly wearing a skirt which i might’ve just pulled up, thus spawning this amazing tidbit) and it came to me that due to the equipment difference in genders (okay fine, lgbtq people, SEXES; because sex is biological/physical & gender is a self-identified psychological thingy.  I JUST EDUCATED Y’ALL.  you are welcome.) perhaps that was the founding idea of developing dresses vs pants and which gender they’d be assigned to.  women have little control of their wizz (or “micturate” — i should totally be a teacher) and need to get all squatty and wearing a skirt/dress is easier to squat and pee in.  no pants removal; it’s kind of brilliant.  but then i can’t really explain stockings and bustles and all those impossible things to get off.  old timey ladies probably had some poise pads on hand for emergencies or end of the day changings?  those people rarely bathed anyway, they’d think nothing of lady-diapers, right?  i think i’ve lost my focus.  um…dresses are lady pee-friendly.  the end.  i wonder if any of that made sense.  i’m totally tired and frankly, how can one discussing pre-toilet  urination sound upscale anyway.

while i was writing this i remembered women “toileting” were apparently popular pornography in pre-camera days too, and that i studied some women in paintings during the middle ages as my final project in my art history class and i remember coming across this painting:

François Boucher, The Toilet of Venus, 1751

i think maybe “toilet” meant something different in the 1700s, like “cherub angels fly around you.”  this kind of destroys my point, because she is allegedly “toileting” but not wearing a skirt/dress….but if the meaning of the word is different then i don’t even know what it means to my point.  but nude also gets the job done.  i don’t know if they literally had pots or what back then, but i’ll bet they never had to go in a red solo cup because their house had only one bathroom which was occupado at the time.  or maybe they did.  there were probably some radicals who had alternatives when the household piss pot was in usage.  this is the weirdest post ever.  and now my google history has “boucher toilet venus” which just sounds weird.  especially if now the CIA is interested in monitoring my activities:

p.s. i just found out you can and how to embed tweets into shit and am a little proud of my mad web skillz.

p.p.s. in the vein of a “weekly wrap-up” type thing, i found this on the youtube and it was totally the most touching & classy thing ever.  also, i have now embedded tweets, an image, AND a video in here, so i is mad-stylin’.

p.p.p.s. this post has everything! science, history, social theory & gender studies, art, & music!  who said i wasn’t cultural?

p.p.p.p.s. sorry coldplay for including you in a post about toilets.  but <insert degrading gwyneth paltrow joke here>.

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~ by hollaphonic on 05/07/2012.

3 Responses to “womanly toileting”

  1. I’m sure you’re correct about dresses. And lady diapers.

    I watched Iron Man two nights ago and thought of you. We should have a movie party some night where we watch RDJ movies at the same time and tweet. I wonder if anyone else would join in?

    My husband suggested we do an RDJ podcast, but I told him that just sounded creepy. Then I gave him the stink eye as if there was something really weird about him. Heh.

    • wow. i seriously thought i already replied to this. anyway, OMG THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN!!!! RDJ INTERNET PARTY!!!!!!!!! MAYBE it can turn into a cool internet sensation and somehow he’ll find out about it and send us items of his clothing for us to cuddle and smell.

      i watched sherlock holmes game of shadows or whatever it is last night. do i even need to ask if you’ve seen it? it was entertaining but idk if i’d finished it were it not for RDJ and noomi rapace. i’m a big fan of urban camouflage now.

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