The Rubbish Bin Prowler

Picture it: sicily, 1925.* a hot summer’s night, 3:30 am. A beautiful young woman in her late 20s sits alone in the upstairs office of her house facebooking and trying to manage the massive mounds of music amassed on her laptop & trying to move it onto the desktop bc the laptop is feeble. But I digress*, a sound shatters the night. What was that, she thinks. She abandons that damn com-puter^ and listens at the open window to the street below. In the distance, some rustling & banging glass, a figure in the night scampers across the road. The sensationally-breasted girl watches as the figure, at first several houses down, comes closer and closer. It gets in a car, moves it down the block a ways and gets out to begin the noisy skullduggery again. But hark! The foxy broad thinketh this is creepy…a skulking person or persons unknown rummaging about in all the rubbish bins on the block in the wee hours. The fuzz is thus notified. The leggy lass with phone in one hand, torch in the other, stands guard at the open front door until the constable should arrive. She frightens them away from her own rubbish bins by loudly announcing to the 3/4-asleep man on the settee that “oy they’ve come to go through our bins now they have!” this however doth not deter them from their adversarial adventure as they move towards other recycling bins. The girl with the butt that would not quit thought that perhaps rummaging in refuse was acceptable only if one has potentially useful items at the kerb• but none of the homes had such piles. Furthermore recycling is of a rather private nature; how is one to know whether skulker is a hobo or a would-be identity thief? It’s not as if folk toss out bottles & cans that can be returned to the grocery for 5 cents; everything in there is thus worthless. Identity thief seems possible, as they appear to go through even the paper bins. Something spooks the spectre and they stride purposefully back toward their vehicle, alight, and actually perform a turnabout in the sexy temptress’s driveway. They speed off. Shortly thus the constable arrives. Two, in fact. The ravishing brunette exits her domicile to give direction for the uniformed woman to give chase. She informs the vixen that it is actually contrary to the municipality’s ordinance requiring citizenry to refrain from picking about in others’ recycling bins, and is thus stealing. The scalawags have been warned and pushed back to their urban hamlet+ for now. The situation has come to an end. The delightful creature returns to her foyer unsure if she should be proud for being vigilant or embarrassed for involving the authorities. However, she thinks ’twas perhaps the right thing to do as mayhap these foes will think twice about stealing the rubbish.¥ she fancies it was a good decision as suspicious folk, strangers to these parts, must be investigated if they desire to creep about after dark. An efficient, curvaceous one-woman neighborhood watch, and she didn’t even need to fire upon them with a revolver.

*golden girls!!!
^it crowd
• on purpose
+ ghetto
¥ there’s also a garbage co. incentive to recycle & to earn points towards stuff by putting a lot out to recycle and they weigh it by the route & distribute the rewards evenly to all on the route when a certain amount is reached. those street rats were in effect stealing a $10 voucher for probably something quite pathetic. bastards!!!

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~ by hollaphonic on 06/18/2012.

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