seinfeld manure moment (+dander)

story of my life: my scalp is dry and flaky so i use dandruff shampoo and then it’s all fine.  but then my hair is shit.  so then i try to use shampoo for my hair, and then my scalp goes back to being dry and flaky.  if i use both during the same shower, the hair shampoo wins and yet somehow my hair still looks like shit.  WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO??? jesus: in your infinite wisdom, and since you’re always portrayed as having long luxurious hair in an arid climate which probably dries out your scalp, tell me how to handle this problem.

in the mean time, until jesus gets back to me, do you people have suggestions?  the teenage girls who cut my hair at supercuts, snapping their gum and sneering at me, can never tell me the correct shampoo to use or act like they’ve never seen or heard of or know what dandruff is nor do they understand that i can’t quite use regular shampoo for my hair.  i think they think it’s like contagious eczema that will coat their bodies and freeze them in solid stone if they go near me.  alternately, they’re like “like, omg old lady, why don’t you get your hair trimmed more, like because it’s all split-endy and you look like a [whispers] poor person…you, like, should really do something about that.”  but then they also don’t want to touch me and probably don’t want me to come in ever again so of course i try not to get my hair cut and judged by fourteen year olds.  for the longest time my scalp was embarrassingly bad and i let my hair grow out really long and then chopped it off myself, then it was  better with a certain kind of shampoo and it was like i had no problem at all, and now this other conditioner i bought to try to prevent my hair from shedding a lot is like, preventing the good shampoo from working.

also, when you think about it, shampoo is a silly word.  and it’s two sorta bad things, “sham” and “poo” but then as one word it’s supposed to be all normal and clean.  this is my seinfeld manure moment (“So, anyway, if you think about it, manure is not really that bad a word. I mean, it’s ‘newer’, which is good, and a ‘ma’ in front of it, which is also good. Ma-newer, right?”)


~ by hollaphonic on 10/21/2012.

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